Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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