yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Its about making memories worth repressing
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize