distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
