I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
