I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I faked an abortion last night.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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