singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize