You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
