I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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