Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize