As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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