How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
