let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Who died my cat blue again?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
