i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We are all done wearing pants today
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize