it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
