i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have already put on my inside pants.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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