which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
