My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
