They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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