Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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