you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
