Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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