so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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