Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
