So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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