it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
