literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
