i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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