Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
