I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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