god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
