I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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