I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
