youre lurking in front of me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize