He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
