just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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