Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
