They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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