The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
