he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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