Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
