I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
