I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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