that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
