They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
