i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
