She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
