There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
