Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I can text with my tongue
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
