I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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