If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
