i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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