Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
