Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
