awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
