I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
