Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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