What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
