i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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