i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
