what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize