i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This house was built for laser tag.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
