You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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