Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
