My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
