I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
