it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
