were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
