If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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