I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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