I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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