I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
