I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
