Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
