I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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