So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
