but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
