nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
