I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
