she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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