This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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