After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
