Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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